Tzipiyah.com

In this week’s parshah, Yaakov Avinu leaves the land of Israel and flees to Charan in order to seek refuge from his brother Esav. It is during this “exile” that Yaakov begins an important phase of his life by establishing a family for himself.

Yaakov’s first encounter with his future wife Rachel took place at a well (Chapter 29). It is interesting to note that Yaakov is not the only figure in the Torah who finds his wife by a well; both Yitzchak Avinu and Moshe Rabbeinu’s wives were also introduced to them at a well (see Genesis: 24: 11 –19, and Exodus: 2: 15 – 17). What is it that is so special about a well? What intrinsic connection lies between a well and the union of two souls in marriage?

Before answering our question, it is necessary to understand what the function of a well is. Often, a helpful strategy in defining an object is to clarify what it isn’t. So, what isn’t a well? A well is not a wellspring (Ayin in Hebrew) or a pit (Bor in Hebrew). A wellspring is a natural flow and upwelling of water that lacks a space in which to contain it, and a pit is solely a hole in the ground, a vessel for water that has no natural water source of its own. A well is a combination of both these characteristics; it is both a natural water source, and a receptacle in which to hold the water.

The qualities that the well embodies are those essential for entering into marriage and beginning a family. Man and woman must understand the role they themselves must play to maintain a healthy relationship. Is a good wife one who forfeits her ideals and accepts whatever her husband decides? Is it ideal for the husband to single-handedly make the decisions within the family and force his values upon his wife? Clearly, this would be a recipe for a disastrous relationship. Marriage is not about one party behaving as a wellspring while the other behaves as a pit! “Love” in marriage will slowly fade away if one side only gives while the other side only receives. A recipe that is more likely to yield success entails both individuals behaving like the well - taking on both roles: the natural water source (the giver) and the vessel (the receiver). Partners in a relationship are capable of offering so much to one another, and likewise possess the ability to receive so much from one another. Together, husband and wife must fuse their respective beliefs and characteristics with one another in order to achieve something greater.

Harmony is the hidden symbolisms of the well, and it is this harmony that is meant to exist between husband and wife. May we all be able to take the message of the well into our relationships with our spouses, and may we merit entering and maintaining loving marriages for the rest of our lives.

Good Shabbos,

NZL